


Heart Made Of Glass, My Mind Of Stone.

by Fandomqueen1124



Series: I Don’t Wanna Be You Anymore [1]
Category: Aquaman (2018), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Angst cause Jason Todd, F/M, Gen, I dont know what I’m doing, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one doing this, Language Warnings, Spoilers for Aquaman (2018), Suicide Attempt, cause it’s Jason, my Jason Todd’s Matt Daddario btw, so Idk how it’s gonna go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-21 04:03:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17036279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandomqueen1124/pseuds/Fandomqueen1124
Summary: In his entire life, Jason Todd has never gotten what he wanted.He wanted a stable childhood—Nope.He wanted Bruce to love him like he loved Dick—Nope.He wanted his mother to lov—Let’s not even go there.So he’s doing what he does best.Run away. Or rather, kill himself and end his as well as everyone else’s misery.But what if he ends up where he’s not supposed to?





	1. No Candle No Light

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This chapter consists of trying to kill oneself but nothing too graphic. Just jumping off a cliff. And that also you could ignore if you blink. 
> 
> Thank you to all who read this and please don’t forget to comment and leave kudos. :)

The sea was calm. 

That’s the first thing Jason noticed. He tightened his grip on the worn out photo he held. Him and Bruce, smiling. A memory of the good times. The only belonging he had of his previous life. 

The sky was clear and the raging storm in the sea had blown out. Like it was finally free. 

Jason realised it was a good day to end his life. 

After the fight with Bru—Batman, Jason thought about his life. Really thought about it. 

What did he do, except make others’ life miserable with his pathetic persona? Nothing. 

Sure he fought crime, but the same amount was born the next day. He didn’t have a purpose. 

When he came back, he had a purpose. To make Batman hurt like he was. To make him feel just as alone as he was. 

Even while dying he had a purpose—to protect his mother. 

But now? Now that his ‘team’ had gone their own ways and since Batman had officially disowned him (by ripping the bat off his chest and all), Jason simply had nothing to live for. 

Once upon a time, when he was still fourteen and innocent, when he was still _Jason_ in the best sense, he would have laughed at himself and probably scold him. Scold him for ruining his own life, and for being so _unworthy_  even his own father chose a maniacal murderer above him. 

But that Jason is dead. And so is this Jason going to be in the next 5 minutes. 

So when he jumped off the cliff, Jason thought about all the good things in his life, all the memories and what ifs that were not tainted with crowbars and bullet holes. 

He thought that if he had been more polite, he could have had Dick as the brother he so desperately wanted. The brother that Dick already was to Tim and Damian.

He thought that if he was more considerate, he would have met Alfred one last time, because he didn’t deserve the monster that Jason had become as his grandson.

He thought of Bruce, not Batman. He thought about the best father he ever had, and how he let him down too. For once he didn’t blame Bruce for letting the Joker live. He just didn’t care anymore.

He thought that if he had been better, he could have had everything he ever wanted.

A family, friends, love. Anything.

But he wasn’t and people left. That’s all they ever do. They take a piece of your heart and they  _just leave._

But still, no matter what people thought, he did love Bruce. And in the end, he knew it wasn’t his fault. 

_If you ever leave Jason, it’ll be by your choice, not mine._

And it was. It was Jason who did this to himself, and Jason who would pay. 

But _god_ did it _hurt_. 

All those hits, all those bruises, they hurt more than the pit. When he ripped the bat off his chest, he ripped a piece of Jason’s heart too. 

His father didn’t believe in him, didn’t want to try, so Jason stopped wanting him to. 

Slipping through the water, the cold felt refreshing. It was nothing like the pit, but at the same time it was.

It seemed fitting. The thing that gave him life would eventually be the one to kill him again. If he really tried, Jason could see the flares of green in the water. 

Jason let himself enjoy his last moments in tranquility. The ocean seemed to be buzzing with power, but it felt good. Jason felt like he belonged.

That’s part of the reason why Jason chose the ocean to kill himself. He could have easily shot himself or jumped off a roof, but he wanted to die in peace. Other reason was that he didn’t want his body to be found. He didnt want to go through that again. He didn’t want to give anyone else anymore pain.

At least at the bottom of the ocean, no one would pay him any attention.

At least there, he wouldn’t ruin anymore lives. 

Stiles Stilinski once said that after you stop trying to breathe, drowning becomes easy. Peaceful.

Jason thought he saw a flash of red before he finally fell asleep. 

 

 

 


	2. Don’t be that way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mera has never quite understood humans. 
> 
> So imagine her surprise when she sees one jumping off a cliff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the positive reviews and kudos :) 
> 
> Enjoy this chapter XD

The battle was exhausting.

Mera has had her fair share of fights, but this one was something else.

Seeing Arthur and Orm fight like that had upset her. Mera may not have loved Orm like she was starting to love Arthur, but even she could see that his actions were driven by nothing but jealousy. And hurt. Hurt that his mother had  chosen a human over him and that had taken her away from him. But his actions were still wrong and he would face justice for his deeds. 

After that, all Mera wanted to do was go for a swim away from all this tension and let her heart guide her. 

So after sharing one more excruciating kiss with Arthur (Mera quickly realised kissing above water is very much different than kissing under water), she bid farewell started swimming towards the first direction she thought of. 

After a while of just wandering around, she found herself near an isolated cliff. 

It was a breathtaking site. 

The sea finally felt calm after months. The sun was on the horizon, basking the sky with different shades of red and pink, the cool blue sea a deep contrast beneath it. 

Seeing as no one was around to potentially spot her, Mera swam towards the surface of the water. 

She breathed in the salty mist above the sea and turned her back towards the cliff to look at the sunset. 

She found a spot at the bottom of the cliff. It was like a cave, but half in water. 

Mera sat there for what felt like hours, watching the sky turn from red to black. 

Before she knew it, exhaustion crept up on her and she fell into deep slumber. 

                    ————————

It was a crash that woke her up. 

The battle was still fresh in her mind, and so she quickly got up, ready for an attack. 

But what she found was.......surprising. 

It looked like a body. With a brown jacket and torn undershirt. Combat boots. A broken red helmet that had definitely seen better days.

And in the body’s gloved hands was a small rectangular piece of paper which had people on it. Arthur had called it a fato or something. 

Seeing how the body wasn’t struggling, Mera swam towards it. 

She may not like the fact that humans have polluted her home and that they will keep on doing that, but she knew that not all of them were bad. They had good people too. 

By the time she reached the body, they were already halfway down to the bottom of the ocean. 

She looked and found that it was a boy. He looked like a man, but Mera knew it was just a boy. Call it intuition. 

Considering it had been too long since the body fell, Mera feared he was already dead.

She let out a small sigh. 

Hooking her hands around his body, Mera took him to the nearest surface, which so happened to be Mera’s cave. 

To her surprise, the human still had heartbeats.

She tried slapping him, but that didn’t work. She tried punching him but nope. She even kicked him once, but to no avail. 

Something frantic caught her ears. As she listened closely, she could feel the boy’s heartbeat getting fast. Too fast.

Mera furrowed her eyebrows. Weren’t humans supposed to be breathing fine in normal air?

The human’s heartbeat was almost erratic now. It felt like his body was fighting but his mind was unconscious. 

Just as an experiment, Mera dipped the body half in water. 

Like she minutely suspected, the heartbeat started slowing down to normal. 

She pulled him out again, just for the heart to go all frenzy. It was like the heart was against being separated from the ocean. 

Considering the rate at which the heart was going on at land, Mera doubted the boy would survive there.   

Having made up her mind, Mera pulled the body back into the ocean with her.

She used her powers to make sure that the boy doesn’t run out of oxygen as long as he is unconscious. When (and if) he wakes up? Well, she’d figure it out then. 

After debating her options for a while, Mera decided to bring the boy to Arthur. Arthur is half human, after all. 

Mera quickly grabbed the fato-something that had fallen from the boy’s hand, and started towards Atlantis, with the boy trailing after her with the help of her powers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments!
> 
> I know this chapter has like a lot of loopholes, but please bear with me. 
> 
> Again this one is short, but I promise they will get longer with time. 
> 
> Hope all you guys have a good day or night :)


	3. If teardrops could be bottled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason was supposed to be dead. Again. 
> 
> So how the fuck was he alive?
> 
> Oh shit. 
> 
> Is that water?
> 
> What the fuck?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve edited the second chapter a bit for my convenience. So sorry for the trouble. 
> 
> Here is the third chapter. 
> 
> And warnings for language, cause you know, it’s Jason.

_Clank_! _  
_

_Jason let out a ragged breath from his curled up position on the floor. He could see his breath in front of him._

_Clank!_

_The noice was getting closer. Louder._

_Clank!_

_Jason flinched as he heard the thump right beside his head. He tightened his hold on his legs and curled up into the cold ground to the point that he could taste the concrete below him._

_Something cold touched his cheek._

_He squeezed his eyes as tight as he could, expecting the worst._

_But the hit never came._

_Suddenly he was standing on a roof._

_A roof that was a stranger, but felt too familiar._

_A roof which ended him more than the crowbar did._

_A roof which suffocated him more than his grave did._

_Yeah ya’ll probably know which roof this is._

_Jason could feel a presence behind him._

_He turned and came face to face with the dark night._

_It all looked so real._

_The cowl. The cape. The same disappointment filled glare that was somehow always directed towards Jason._

_Jaosn couldn’t breathe._

_“You’re not my son”, said the cowl. ”A cold blooded murderer is not my son”._

_Jason never had the best relationship with Bruce, but he figured that he would at least love him in the twisted way he loved the Joker._

_His heart ached and he was tired. Years spent, wasted into impressing the man he considered his father, only for him to tell Jason that._

_Something behind Bruce caught his eye. A figure dressed in a green suit with pale skin and green hair._

_The Joker._

_He held the same wretched crowbar, along with his never ending smile._

_Jason watched with bated breath as the Joker moved towards him, Batman doing nothing to stop him. Just watching._

_“No, no, no, no”_

_Jason could feel the tears in his eyes, but they didn’t fall. He was too tired to figure out why._

_Then came the hits. The same ‘does A hurt more or B? Backhand or Forehand?’._

_All the taunting sentences, hits, everything was the same, but w_ _hat hurt more was that his father was standing two feet away, doing nothing. Just watching._

_“Dad...”_

_Jason’s voice broke. Another hit._

_“Dad, please!”_

_His voice was just a whisper now, almost like a broken prayer._

_“Please....”_

_All he could hear, even with the laugh and scrunching of bones, was a clear sentence._

_“You’re not my son. You never were.”_

_The last hit came._

Jason gasped for air as he regained consciousness. That nightmare was......new. Whatever. Jason didn’t have time for that. He needed to figure out why he was still breathing. 

He looked around the room he was in. It looked like a hospital room, expect that the walls were blue and shining. His broken helmet and torn jacket was on a table beside him. He was in his pants, with a bare chest littered with bandages. 

The bed or cot or whatever he was laying on was not uncomfortable, but it wasn’t a normal bed either. It honestly kinda felt like a water bed. 

As he moved to get up, he ended up....floating?

‘What the fuck?!!’ He thought to himself.

’Ohh shit.’ He looked down at himself and moved his hands. They moved the way one’s hand would move if they were in water. He tried breathing, reluctantly, as if one wrong move and he’d end up breathing in water. But he could breathe naturally, the same way one did in air.

“Alright so by some fucking miracle I’m breathing in water. Completely alive.” He said to himself. 

He groaned. “Fuck! What even is my life? Couldn’t I have just died in peace?!” Even death didn’t accept an abomination like Jason Todd.

Then the doors moved, and a figure stepped in.

He moved to sit on the bed (and wasn’t that interesting) and stared at the incoming stranger without saying anything. 

There was a glass wall that separated the room into two parts, much like an interrogation room in a police station.  

The stranger was on the other side of the glass, eyes trailed down to the object he held in his hands even though he was moving.

Jason decided to break the ice.....or water, however you put it. He couldn’t help the smirk that graced his face.

”Someone should have taught you that not looking at your surroundings while moving could get you killed.”

The stranger’s head snapped up. Gold eyes met his.

The stranger had long unruly brown hair, with a great beard. His ripped torso was sculpted in tribal looking tattoos. His eyes were an unnatural shade of glowing gold, and Jason felt like kneeling, although he barely even knew him.

Goldie (Jason felt tired of acknowledging him as the stranger) gaped like a fish for a good period of 2 minutes and 36 seconds before Jason cleared his throat to snap him out of his whatever it was going on. Jason knew he was attractive, but come on.

He finally stuttered out a response. 

“H-how are you alive? And breathing underwater?”

Jason barely refrained from rolling his eyes.

”Trust me, Goldie, I want to know that answer just as much as you.”

Goldie narrowed his eyes at the nickname, but didn’t say anything else. 

Another five minutes passed with Goldie looking at him with mild curiosity and glancing back at the object in his hands.

”How do you know Batman?”

Truth to be told, Jason wasn’t ready for that question. And how Goldie knew Batman just added on to the list of mysteries Jason needed to fucking solve ASAP.

The memory of his nightmare still fresh in his mind, Jason pulled a trick out of interrogation 101 : Answer a question with another question.

”How do you know I know Batman?”

Goldie lifted his eyebrow, as if to say ‘really?’.

Jason just shrugged.

Goldie sighed, but moved his hands up so that Jason could see what was in his hands.

His picture. The only thing he had of Bruce that’s not tainted with his rebirth. 

Jason growled. 

“That doesn’t belong to you, Goldie. Give it back. 

Goldie’s eyes shined in amusement.

”If you tell me how you know him, I’ll give you the picture. Deal, Kid?”

Jason glared at him. “I’m not a kid. I’m the broken disgusting part of a person who he loved.”

Goldie didn’t seem satisfied. Jason sighed and averted his eyes to look at the blue walls before answering again. This time he couldn’t stop his sad tone.

”He used to be my father....before I died. I somehow came back to life, but I wasn’t right. My mind was all fucked up and it was worse when I realised that Batman let my murderer live. Needless to say the boy who came back wasn’t his son, and he didn’t want to be the changed boy’s father. Rest is all history.”

Goldie’s eyes widened in disbelief, as if he couldn’t believe Batman had a kid.

”Bruce had a kid?”

Jason deflected yet another question, because he didn’t want to go down the history of that one. 

”Oh so the old man let you know his identity.” Jason huffed. “You must pretty special.” 

 Goldie’s eyes softened at Jason’s response. 

“You know, you don’t have to keep it all bottled in. I did it for a long time, and well, the results weren’t pretty.”

Jason met Goldie’s eyes. They didn’t show pity, or contempt. Just hard understanding.

Jason felt himself deflate. “You have no other choice when you don’t have anyone.”

”Well, since you’re breathing underwater in Atlantis, you’re either a royal full-blood Atlantean, or a half Atlantean like me. So you’re going to have a lot of people now.”

Goldie said that as if he was stating the laws of physics, and not something bullshit you read in the comic—wait what?! Atlantean!?

Jason eyebrows might as well have hanged on the ceiling by now. He pointed at Goldie. 

“You’re telling me this is what—the lost city of Atlantis?! And I’m half of your kind?!”

”Or you’re a prince.” Goldie shrugged his shoulders. “It could be either of those.”

“A prince.” Jason stated in disbelief. He let out a laugh. Jason couldn’t believe his luck. What even was his life?

Goldie was watching him with obvious concern. He opened the glass wall and moved towards Jason. 

Putting a hand in his shoulder, he disregarded how Jason tensed under the touch. “Look, it’s a lot to take in, and your injuries have not healed by now. You need rest. Why don’t you sleep on it? We’ll discuss your heritage after you wake up. That sound good?” He pushed the photo he had into Jason’s hands. Jason glanced at it before replying.

“Yeah, yeah”, mumbled Jason distractedly. He only now noticed the pain that came from beneath the various bandages covering his bare torso. The weight of the moment finally settled down on his mind, and he fought hard to not fall asleep right away. “Yeah, sleep sounds good.”

Goldie left, but not before giving Jason a last smile. Well, it was more like a grimace, but the thought counts, right?

As Jason lied on his bed, he couldn’t stop all the things that happened that day replay in his mind. He pushed all those thoughts away, knowing that they’ll be on his mind when he woke up. What he couldn’t shake was the nightmare he had. 

He glanced again at the photo clutched in his hands. They looked so.... _happy_.

He felt a small smile come up on his face, before it changed into a frown.

Why did Jason had to go and ruin it all?

When did Bruce become the subject of his nightmares?

Why couldn’t he just _die_?

That night, Jason discovered a new thing about Atlantis. You couldn’t feel your tears there. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who read this and don’t forget to leave comments and kudos!!

**Author's Note:**

> This baby is born out of my mind, so please people do not copy my work. If you want to use it, please ask me first. I will not deny you. 
> 
> Again the updates are going to be s l o w.  
> Like really slow. 
> 
> So forgive me and do not forget to leave comments and kudos.


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